Google sends out coupons to be used for AdWords

Does GOOG sense a downturn in ad spending? Is GOOG perhaps so nuts to pay a dividend? Is it perhaps just a cheap ploy where GOOG gives you back some of your own money that you have spent on AdWords only to “invest” it again in AdWords?

I received a letter on Jan. 30, 2010 from Google Germany (snore) with an attached coupon worth € 75.00. The letter addresses the usual stuff you can read on AdWords itself: Select your keywords, total control over budget and all that yaddayadda. I don’t know why I felt an urge in my groins to send a reply to GOOG. Was it the fifth GT, a bad prior night?? Whatever, here is my reply and my experience with AdWords:

RE: Google Adwords coupon worth €75 sent from GOOG Germany by Mrs. Sandra xxx on Jan. 18, 2010

Dear Sandra,

Thank you for sending me a coupon worth € 75.00 to be spent on AdWords. On the face of it I find it generous but then on second thoughts I found it appropriate to flash back a little. Like on an old love gone sour.

I believe I started using AdWords pretty much at the height of my mental insanity sometime in 2004 (you at GOOG have the data). Oh god, were we internet users not all gaga about all that nonsense coming out of Silly Valley (and some still are and a lot still is)? AdWords finally looked like an opportunity to get some – I must say I feel embarrassed to use this IT Senegalese – traction, visibility, exposure and what not.

So off I went, racked my brain about keywords, ad text varieties …  And then it comes the time, unless you are someone that puts on the pants with a pair of pliers, where you calculate your ROI. Well, at least for me that was the point when I met reality and disillusion at the same time. To cut it short, I switched off AdWords, switched it on a couple months later, switched it off again, and so it went on. Yes, is was as boring as it sounds and it was as disappointing.

Now what I still have not forgotten were two highlights: one was an ad for a certain very special kind of adventure trip. (I won’t divulge any details since I do not want to use this communication as a pretext to advertise what we do.) This very ad cost somewhere between $120 and $160 – I forgot the exact amount – and garnered absolutely nothing, not even a single email inquiry. Yet GOOG had earned that money.

The second experience is only very recent. In the middle of 2009 we advertised  over a period of roughly 2.5 months. It was again a test. We went as high as 85 cents per click (which we would never do again) just to have exposure on the first page. The result: one fake call from a competitor and one idiotic call from a cold customer, not a single email inquiry. The take of GOOG was somewhere between $ 230 and $ 250.

GOOG touts the importance of keywords. Let me see how that tallies with reality. We have a web site that is absolutely unique in its product range and the selection available. Again, no advertisement here. Let’s assume for the sake of simplicity that we offer toilet paper and nothing else besides, but in the widest color selection you could imagine. No toilet paper holder, no dispenser, nothing, just rolls of toilet paper. Now logic would suggest that when somebody types ‘toilet paper’ into the search field, the web site of this company would show up somewhere on the first three pages.

We seem to be absolutely stupid (and we are in this business since 10 years) when it comes to web design, product placement, features and, above all. the keywords we use. Because our web site shows up at exactly page 12 (twelve). In between are links to pages that either do not offer what is searched for or just one item. Our web site fits smack to what the user is looking for (buying is a totally different matter) but we are featured somewhere in the desert. So much for Google’s search relevance!

I have addressed this in an email to GOOG some years back, the response was ‘we keep it that way’. Why should GOOG change? They want you to use AdWords and even then your web site is somewhere out in the woods. Just as a passing remark, since the coupon came from Germany: we have added ad visibility in Germany on a test  basis three months before Xmas. The sales result from Germany was as I predicted it, zero. The country just plain bores.

In your accompanying letter GOOG quotes the number of potential customers at 300 based on a ppc rate of 25 cents. GOOG’s math capabilities are indeed convincing (300 x € 0.25 = € 75.00), trouble is that is not how AdWords works in reality. The calculation is pure nonsense and GOOG knows that. A person who clicks on an add need not have the slightest interest in buying something. He may be bored, curious, mean-spirited etc.

Now if I were to spend the € 75.00 on AdWords, what would be different from my prior experience? Sure, I could blow the whole amount and I bet with you $ 1,000 (I am absolutely serious) that I would be surprised to have three customers coming out of this. What I do know and what people can count on when they elect to advertise on GOOG is that their spam folder will increase considerably! That is at least a guaranteed effect Google AdWords brings.

Concluding my email I am not sure what to say, and if so, politely. Let me phrase it this way:

Do I sense an iPhone/Bing effect behind this marketing plot? Is it a dividend? Is Google feeling a little on the ropes that its monopoly might be under attack? Well, as free marketer I certainly hope so, as an avid Apple junkie even more so. GOOG needs competition and it sure will come. Apple is splendidly positioned to bring this about.

I personally like to keep it in style. People who wear ape shoes without feeling stupid make me wonder if Darwin was not perhaps wrong in his theory. Anyhow, I would feel better not using the coupon, bearing a slight snicker in my mind that it is my money anyway. I appreciate the effort of GOOG but fail to see the sincerity.

Best regards,

It’s slippery out there

If this valuation does not look like an invitation to hop on the bubble, I don’t know what will.

(H/T Mad Hedge Fund Trader)

The EU’s down and out countries

Aren’t you all happy in the EU that all these countries on the left of the graph belong to the EU. It makes for such economic strength.

(H/T Zero Hedge)

Good advice from one of Europe’s greatest bores Jean-Claude Juncker, president of the Eurogroup, said on Thursday 10th December that “the budget situation in Greece is tense but the country should avoid bankruptcy”.

And Citibank has this to say

Amongst global emerging markets, emerging Europe is definitely a laggard. In 2009, based on IMF estimates, emerging Europe GDP (CEE + Turkey) is expected to decline c5%, twice as large as the Latin American contraction. In 2010, emerging Europe is expected to grow c2%, but lagging Latin America (c3%). Emerging Asia remains in a different league altogether: +5% for 2009E, +7% for 2010E.

Within emerging Europe, all the major countries are expected to register negative GDP growth in 2009, Poland aside. Romania is the worst (-8% yoy), followed closely by Hungary and Bulgaria. Emerging European growth should be anemic in 2010, with most of CEE/SEE growing at between -1% and +1%, with 2-3% economic growth expected in 2011. Only Turkey is expected to register a respectable growth rate (+4%, 2010E. +5%, 2011E).

Probably the most concerning trend is the ever increasing use by Greek banks of the European Central Bank Repo Facility. As long as this is a key short-term funding vehicle, the financial system will certainly be strained.

full ZH post here

How news can gain from collaboration with Google

Take Zero Hedge for example and how Google manages to distill highbrow money speak into easily understandable street speak.

more here

No wonder newspapers die

This is what financial reporting in Germany has degenerated into: weakly, no, weekly articles about, eh, porn, no, BJs, no, blondes blowing their inherited billions, no, whiteboard markers in asses of traders, no. It is about, pssst

UNCLAIMED LUGGAGE

The demented version of the FT, Schörmany’s FTD.

Is Dubai completely broke?

Readings: Firecracker Report

and as predicted Abu D. will cherry pick as Reuters reports.

Monday should show some nice action on the bourses. A little down the road the question is, is Greece the Dumb Bai of Europe?

Dubai und deutsche Banken

Endlich gibt es ein paar Details, welche deutsche Banken und zu wieviel im Dubai-SankastenPonzi investiert sind. Soviel vorab, keine Überraschungen, DB, KFW, West LB:

(HT Zero Hedge)

Die nächste Frage ist, ist Griechenland das Dubai Europas? In Abu Dhabi leckt man sich jetzt schon die Finger, denn Dubai class assets sind für einen Appel und Ei zu bekommen. Die Daumenschrauben sind schon bereitgelegt.

DPA macht Schülern ein Angebot, das man ausschlagen sollte

Es ist vertrackt mit diesem öffentlichen Internet. Es verhagelt einem, wenn man ein alter kastenbewusster Pressefutzi ist, plötzlich die Einnahmen. Die DPA macht nun ein Angebot, das heuchelnd daher kommt:

Die Nachrichtenagentur steigt in den Bildungsmarkt ein: Gemeinsam mit einem Dienstleister bietet die Deutsche Presse-Agentur künftig Nachrichten, Fotos und Grafiken für Lehrer und Schüler an – die sollen sich damit künftig Recherche im Internet sparen.

Oh lala, das ist aber nobel. Aber warum sollen Schüler nicht im Internet herumsuchen, dabei Fehler machend auf so manch interessante Sache stossend, Dinge lernen? Eine Presseagentur möchte Lehrinhalte bestimmen. Das hatte Dland aber schon vor etlichen Jahrzehnten … Und die DPA zusammen mit einem angeblichen Marktführer in Sachen Online-Lernportalen in Deutschland, Conciety, deren ernüchternde Website hier ist, machen ein absolut charakterloses Abzockerangebot:

Das Angebot, das eine Schule bis zu 2000 Euro jährlich kostet, sollen Lehrer für die Unterrichtsvorbereitung nutzen.

Natürlich wäre das im Sinne der Leeerer, von denen gut ein Drittel Vollidioten sind.

Es ist so offensichtlich, dass hier jemand ohne jegliche Ideen sich aus Steuergeldern Einkünfte verschaffen will, die er im freien Markt nicht zu beschaffen vermag. Dabei hat man sich natürlich auch überhaupt nicht umgeschaut, denn wieso sollte man auch als eine abgetakelte Journalistenfirma so etwas lesen?? Search Engines are teachers

The researchers sought to discover the cognitive processes underlying searching. They examined the search habits of 72 participants while conducting a total of 426 searching tasks. They found that search engines are primarily used for fact checking users’ own internal knowledge, meaning that they are part of the learning process rather than simply a source for information. They also found that people’s learning styles can affect how they use search engines.

Leise rieselt der Sand in Dubai

Dubai Investoren, gewöhnlich bekannt unter dem Rubriknamen ‘Vollidioten’ oder auch Sandkastenintellektuelle,  lesen dieses bitte NICHT. Eh, Vollidioten, ich sagte NICHT! Und Deutsche, die in Dummbai investieren, können mit so etwas ohnehin nichts anfangen. Sie wurden auch nicht hellhörig als Sheik Maktoum vor gut 2 Wochen bei einer Rede im gewohnten Arabisch plötzlich ins Englische schwenkte, um wissen zu lassen, man solle nun endlich die Schnauze halten über Dubais prekäre Lage.

Cheap houses getting cheaper and the IMF as neighbor

The economic power house of the EU, Latvia, saw its house prices decline in Q3 year over year to the tune of 59.7% (yes fiftynine point …percent). What a steal houses are right now and with some of the best neighbors you could ask for: the IMF. Oh, Europe …

And for those eager to put their hard earned cash into the sand: UAE (-48.1%). Cheers with a Wtches’ Tit.

more lugubrious numbers here