Porsche unveils new 911 Bank Booster model

Porsche, ably run by its CEO W.W. who hails from a small town in Germany, today unveiled an all-new model based on the very successful 911 line. The car features a revolutionary propelling system that will leave the competition – is there any? – to where it belongs, in the dust.

W.W. himself  has had quite some comeuppance of late. He started famously by jolting Porsche out of looming bankruptcy in the early 90s. Born and raised in the small town of Ahlen he soon felt that sniffing up the pants of chief of VW, Mr. Piech, did not provide him the kick he was desperately looking for.

Add to that some looks which are not exactly, well, party busting, coupled with an ego that is a tad bigger than reality permits to small-town boys and, hey, you have a the right ingredients for some  nice coverage on the Fortune front page.

W.W. tried dabbling on PartyPoker.com quite OK, yet this does not bring you close to the corporate crème de la crème. It so happened that W.W. read about such hard core sexy things as short selling and some really hard squeezes. A plot was conceived and that worked out so well until it, oops, got a little counter-productive. Kinda like sliding on a skate board down a railing and not keeping your legs closed tight. And there are caste barriers between millionaires and, yeehah, billionaires or being invited to the Italian island of Sardegna or not.

Anyway, here is introducing the new Porsche 911 KfW Bank Booster. It is especially geared towards the aspiring taxpayer and will be promoted with the line ‘Porsche – sure taking you for a ride’.

Wiedeking: „I hasch fucked up lil“

Wendelin Wiedeking, CEO of hedge fund Porsche with attached car dealership asks Kfw bank (Germany’s stupidest bank) for 2.5 billion Euro loan.

Wiedeking’s Breaking News

Beaming Wendelin Wiedeking. Later in the day someone shoved him under a passing double-decker bus. Person left the scene letting the wrapping paper of a ‘Mozartkugel‘ slip to the curbside. Police investigation ongoing.

It was against the family, Wendy.

Later in the day someone in Zuffenhausen received WW’s bullet-proof vest with a fish in it.

Should Austrian charm prevail, there might be a gentle nudge towards the door.

Someone from Austria placed call from public phone booth to Bafin

Bafin had a phone call from someone with a hushed Austrian dialect.

An Austrian in Sardegna: „He might well have to climb down some steps.“

Seems like hedge funds and car companies don’t go together.

Meanwhile, Bafin is looking into the Porsche announcements regarding their VW share purchases made back then. The same toothless agency concluded weeks ago that the illegal short squeeze by Porsche was not illegal in Germany. What do you expect from a government watch dog? Still, Porsche shares down sharply.

Oh, and one more thing, the recent developments in VW/Porsche show clearly the big-time government meddling in collusion with the old time VW guard. Still nothing learned in Germany.

Wiedeking ausgeBoxter?

In seiner Freizeit sammelt er Modellautos, Modelleisenbahnen und fährt Porschetraktoren.

Wendelin Wiedekings Zeit läuft ab: Nach SPIEGEL-Informationen hat der Porsche-Chef die Gunst der Eigentümer verspielt. Sobald eine Lösung für die hohe Verschuldung des Sportwagenherstellers gefunden ist, soll er gehen – und Finanzvorstand Holger Härter gleich mit. Der Konzern dementiert.

Porsches Wiedeking pissed

There was an article once in BW or Fortune right after it emerged that Porsche wanted to take over VW. That article questioned whether Wiedeking, who admittedly is very successful in leading Porsche, had what it takes to lead a really big company.

Well, it looks like Wendelin might get an answer. He certainly made a lot of enemies with his illegal short squeeze and balls squeezes of VW execs. Besides, Porsche is heavily indebted now.

Porsche Hedge tuckert auf zwei Zylindern

Schuster, bleib bei deinen Leisten oder der Unterschied eine 6-Zylinder Bolidenfirma zu managen und sich an einen Koloss zu verheben. Oder wenn provinzielle Eitelkeit die Tücken eines Hedgefonds missachtet und ist Fooled by Randomness.

Offenbar bekommt Porsche zunehmend Schwierigkeiten, die Übernahme von Volkswagen zu finanzieren. Mehrere Nachrichtenagenturen berichteten im Laufe des Tages, Porsche sei es nicht gelungen, die Refinanzierung der Ende März fälligen Kreditlinie von 10 Milliarden Euro sicherzustellen.

Die Sportwagenschmiede könnte sich mit der Transaktion übernommen haben, befürchten Adam Jones und David Cramer. „Die Investoren sind bei Porsche einer Kombination aus einem großen finanziellen Hebel, einem großen operativen Hebel, politischen und wirtschaftlichen Risiken ausgesetzt“, schrieben Jones und Cramer. „Wir glauben nicht, dass diese nicht ausreichend im aktuellen Aktienkurs berücksichtigt sind.“

Performance des Porsche Hedgefonds 6 Zyl DoubleTurbo

 

Porsche habe komplexe Derivate benutzt und sich verschuldet, um Volkswagen zu einem Preis zu kaufen, der nach Meinung von Morgan Stanley um das Drei- bis Vierfache über dem fairen Wert der Wolfsburger liege – und dies zu einem Zeitpunkt, zu dem die Autobranche in ihre schlimmste Krise der Nachkriegszeit gerate.

Morgan Stanley riet den Anlegern, die Porsche-Aktie in ihren Depots unterzugewichten und hält einen Kurs von 10 Euro für angemessen. Das wäre rund ein Drittel des aktuellen Niveaus.